Get all 14 The Murderburgers releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Bohemian Rhapsody Part 2, What A Mess, Split w/ City Mouse, Shitty People & Toothache EP, Fraser Murderburger - Trash Sessions EP, FIPS - It's Pronounced The First Three EPs, Bohemian Rhapsody Part 2 (Demo), "The 12 Habits" Album Demos, and 6 more.
1. |
||||
I’m back to writing lists again
Trying not to think about my neck or wrists again
Trying not to think of anything
Trying not to think of you
Believe me, I wish that I could
I wish you would talk
I wish I could shut up
Wish that we could find a way to go back to a time way before
Every bite tasted this bitter
Before I got tired of wishing, before you got bored
And before I started writing
Another few thousand words to let you know that I’m not doing fine
And I somehow still don’t think I’ll be a couple more teeth down the line
Because most of one half of my family is dead
Now I’m dead to most of the other half
And you keep shining hope through the crack in the door
Then whenever I get close you slam it shut
And turning 30 really opened my eyes to the fact
That I’m firmly stuck in a brand new rut
And I know it’d be easier to give in to hate
Just like it’d be easier to give up and die
Recently it’s become a choice between the two and I can’t figure out why
So now it’s caffeine to get through the day
Sleeping pills to shut down
Then painkillers for the migraine
Day in, day out, week after week
Repeat.
|
||||
2. |
||||
I’m too depressed and too in love to go outside today
But I’ve got a windpipe to shut off
And apart from that I can’t see anything ahead
I’m having trouble tracing this all back to when
Waking up meant something more than going back to sleep
Before being alive became exhausting
And ended up being worth less than it’s costing
But I don’t want to stumble through life shitfaced anymore
The only times I was thankful for double vision
Was when it meant that I saw more of you
That reoccurring dream is back
This time she’s dressed head to toe in black
She says she’s genuinely happy, and I’m too ashamed to tell her that I’m struggling
The horrible things found their way back
They highlight all the strength that I lack
Another week lost to being in bed
There’s only dead ends up ahead
I’m so scared of all these dead ends up ahead
Please help me turn this thing around…
I hear your voice but I can’t seem to turn around
But I’ve been getting by by replaying the sound
I don’t want to be back at that tree ever again
Don’t want to go swinging by or swinging from
I don’t want to end up in that state again
And so I won’t.
|
||||
3. |
||||
If it’s actually all fucked now and at an end
Then I guess I’ll never walk home this way again
But I just wanted to see you
I meant it when I said I always do but I know that counts for nothing at all
There’s more cracked concrete round our necks
Since the last time that we checked
I know that one day all there will be to stand on is solid ground
I was just hoping I’d still be around
Another 5am struggle with the urge to shut off the oxygen supply to my brain
Take a handful of pills and lie down again
Just enough to knock me out and dream of never waking up
Curse myself each time I do
Because I’m getting so tired of thinking about
How I was always thought distance would be the dickhead
But it turns out the dickhead was me
Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself
To make sure I shut down easily
Now all that skin is growing over my teeth
And making its way to the back of my throat
But I’m too afraid to apply pressure
So I’ll just sit here and wait till I choke
I know I’ll probably not get an explanation
For you wanting me to leave this place
But If you’d been awake you would have noticed
There was a genuine smile on my face
When I was tracing the lines on your shoulder
Now I’m counting the cracks in my skull
That indicate I’m another year older
And the sensation’s never been so dull.
|
||||
4. |
Shots In My Skull
03:21
|
|||
All that lightning in my head last night hit all the parts I prayed it wouldn’t
But I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried
So now I’m wandering around that building site even though I know I shouldn’t
But I just need to find anything that will make me feel alive
And the wind, it was bricks
And the rain, it was knives
If it could knock me out and cut me down to size
Then I might be alright
I’m trying not to think too hard about another potential year
Of counting miles of sadness while hopes of happiness disappear
I can’t fall asleep in the back seat but there’s always just enough room in here
To make sure that my crooked spine’s not the only thing that feels out of place
as I desperately try not to forget your face
How many more years can I keep on chewing with one side of my mouth,
and telling myself that the sky’s the limit when it’s all plummeting south?
Well, there’s always hope
Be it false or not
There’s always hope…
I hope all those shots fired in my skull tonight hit all the parts I fucking aim for
Because I’m getting so tired of being awake
And with each and every day that your beauty fades, my ugliness is amplified
Then it’s back to square one, struggling through the day.
|
||||
5. |
Pick A Knife, Any Knife
02:15
|
|||
I got your message when I woke up last night
Scanned it for question marks, then decided it was all too much when I
saw the part that said this all meant nothing
Desperately tried to sift through it all
What was left didn’t add up
Now every few nights the dream bursts into flames
Then I wake up coughing up blood, choking on smoke
Time to accept that this is not a hoax
And time to spend another Saturday night at the emergency center
My stomach and my mouth are both on fire
Codeine doesn’t make me half as happy as you did, but it’ll have to do for now
The demons came back to bite and scratch
in ways that are dissipated
But instead they all just laughed
At all the disconnect we’ve created
So numb yourself, and I’ll do the exact opposite tonight
If you broke in with a knife tonight
You know, I really wouldn’t mind
If you caved in my fucking skull tonight
You know, I really wouldn’t mind
Because it would hurt less than the way that you’re killing me right now
It would be quicker than the way that you’re killing me right now.
|
||||
6. |
It Better Rain Tomorrow
02:43
|
|||
I tried to write a verse about not giving up
But only got halfway through
Then went back into that daydream where I meet up with you
So what do you want to talk about?
I haven’t been up to much
Except for showering four times a day for pretty much no reason
And listening to record after record of friends’ bands that have broken up and moved on
And wondering why I can’t seem to do the same
And yes, I still think about you
Just to make sure I feel sick
Just to make sure I can’t sleep at night
From the fires being set inside my head
And you can bet now that I’ve stopped hanging around
That I’m still stuck here broke and alone and trying to think of words that rhyme
Trying to make up for lost time
I’m sorry that before I tried to make my exit I thanked you
I didn’t want you to think you were to blame
For a while I was trying to do what I could to make the best of the situation
But it’s hard to take anything when there’s nothing left
So at first it seemed best drugging myself to death
rather than risk the chance of making things any worse
What a fucking genius
What a fucking martyr
What a fucking hopeless case
What a shame this whole thing turned out to be
I took a walk around Stretford Meadows today
And thought about how much I miss the old one
Got back home and got inside in time for the worlds to collide
Shut my eyes, lay on my side
Focussed on my breath
And then suddenly everything went quiet
I drifted off and had a dream you put your hand in mine
And we walked around Bruntsfield Links
Then suddenly everything was terrible
You told me to go fuck myself
Then I woke up feeling miserable
And now every time that I close my eyes
That sky looks nothing like the one I saw
It looks like something Beksiński forgot to draw.
|
||||
7. |
||||
Sometimes the summer sun can be so unforgiving
And the shorter autumn days make it easy to confuse existing and living
And winter’s a far cry from that time when not waking up anxious and alone
Was all I needed to be inspired
That was a beautiful day to be tired
I haven’t smiled since you hit reset and erased last year
Now my mind is always racing at top speed towards brick walls
I’m trying so hard to slow it down by counting my breath for 30 minutes every day
And doing my very best to sit still
Now it’s a terrible life to feel ill
Yeah, it’s a terrible life to feel ill
I keep waking up halfway through that skin graft
And reading that same list of missing aircraft
Can’t seem to pick which one I wish I’d been on
Can’t seem to turn the voice in my head down
The one that’s saying that it wishes you were still around
Now my stomach’s always empty, and my days are always full
Of wondering if a ceiling light would be strong enough
And hoping that I can’t hold my breath long enough
Whether I’m swinging or submerged
Whether you have to cut me down, or drag me out after I drown
Maybe I’m best just skipping town
Instead of holding on to something that I never had
And praying things would go from worse to bad
Now that every night’s a night to be sad.
|
||||
8. |
October Lied To Us
01:26
|
|||
October lied to me just like I think it lied to you
And now none of the other months ring true
Must have made a deal with summer
Now another year’s almost over
And all those colours have faded to black and blue
Well I guess I was far too lost in those eyes
But now that I’ve found my way out:
Where did all those dead leaves come from?
I can’t see any fucking trees
Traded the perfect skyline
For a fresh dose of anxiety
Now every time I think of your voice, I feel my sternum shatter
And all I can do is focus on the things that I wish didn’t matter
Like letting go.
|
||||
9. |
||||
A half empty Atlanta airport bar
Isn’t a place that I expected to be reminded that life just isn’t fair
and that my problems don’t matter nearly as much as I always think they do
And that there’s always something to look forward to
Even if it’s buried under all this broken glass
Oh God, I feel so selfish
Everything makes me feel selfish
I keep shutting off my brain and keep shutting out my heart
I keep spending every summer praying for it to end when you’re still waiting for yours to start
Without knowing you made me realise that I’ve wasted so much of my time
On things that I can’t control and on things that will never be mine
Now I’m trying to learn how to let go
But now I keep waking up from those God-awful dreams
Where everything’s coming apart at the seams
And I’m trying to scream but I can’t pull the stitches out
It’s serving as a reminder that I just can’t do without
I’d learn to count again, so you don’t have to
I’ll try to start again, try to find my heart and dig it out of the ground
I’ll try to start again
I swear I’ll try to start again
I’ll learn how to live again with you in mind.
|
||||
10. |
I Remember Feeling Alive
02:02
|
|||
Death to the celebrity, I just want friends again
Whenever my phone rings I know that 9 times out of 10
It’s going to be a debt collector, otherwise someone’s got the wrong number
I don’t even panic anymore
And all those nights that I was praying you would call
I knew that you would never call at all
When was the last time anybody called?
We both know what we’ve been up to
No need for small talk
Just hit me up when you feel it’s time
For me to be crucified
So you can pat yourself on the back
And give the right person a high five
I wish there was another way to find out that he’d died.
|
||||
11. |
Hardwell Close
01:57
|
|||
Where do you suggest we go from here?
I hear it’s beautiful in Hell this time of year
Keep focussing on my neck
When I can’t get these dots to connect
Just do your best to write me out
Ignore every word that I say
I’ll reluctantly write this year off
and keep ignoring this headache and this cough
Then walk away from town following the dark clouds
Stare through a stranger in front of me
Zone right out, thought of checking myself into the Royal Infirmary
I used to pass by this guy trying to figure out the best way to slit his wrists
Some nights I thought of slowing down to see about trading tips
But instead I kept thinking of lines that help me through the night
Jon says it always rains in Scotland and he’s right
I miss that rain so fucking much right now
We spent this whole time hoping for something better
We spent this whole time praying for something better
We spent this whole time begging for something more than just a punch right to the gut
A razor blade right to the wrist
A kick right to the face
For each of the warning signs we missed
But even on the worst of days it made sense to me
Now I can’t see the sense in doing anything
And I used to see that sad, sad man with a broken guitar on every corner that I turned
Now I barely see anyone, and I can’t help but miss everyone.
|
||||
12. |
Axes To Grind
03:12
|
|||
It’s been 6 months since everything came together, ganged up and wanted me dead
Thoughts of making amends and starting over have fragmented in my head
I thought that we’d agreed to disagree
It turns out you’d agreed with yourself not to talk to me
Maybe we’re just growing up and growing apart
December did its best to ruin everything again
Tightened its grip around my throat and told me that I’m still a joke
I didn’t think you’d back it up
Nor did I think you’d shut me out
I’m doing my best not to be bitter
I know that sometimes it’s a total fucker getting out of Hell
But you don’t have to drag others down as well
Now we’re screaming over silence again
I don’t really know what you have in mind
But I’d rather die with no axes to grind.
|
||||
13. |
||||
When I die, it will suffice if I’m surrounded by cardboard cutouts
That look vaguely like the people that I love
You don’t have to drop by to drop yours off if it’s too much hassle
Just throw it on the fire and let it burn
Do the same with mine when it’s your turn
Because all the things that help you sleep at night
Are all the things that are keeping me awake
And keeping me wondering
What was the point in putting up a fight
All those nights that you were keeping me at bay
For better or worse I’m always on the other side of town
None of my signs seem all that vital anymore
Which is a sure-fire sign that I need to find a pulse again somehow
At least now I remember Christmas Eve to keep me sober
and I’ll try to remember you when I rewire my mind
in an attempt to find new ways to be alone
I’ll try to use these new ways to be alone to understand
That all the things that help you sleep at night
Are valid reasons why I should stay away
And although the thought of checking out slows the world down right now
It won’t all be skin grafts and plane crashes someday.
|
||||
14. |
||||
You need to let some things die
So that you can stay alive
(I want to stay alive)
|
The Murderburgers UK
Pop punk band from Scotland on Asian Man Records/Brassneck Records/Umlaut Records/Waterslide Records. Also on indefinite hiatus since Dec 1st 2019.
Streaming and Download help
If you like The Murderburgers, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp