The 12 Habits Of Highly Defective People

by The Murderburgers

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about

Our latest full length, released in Japan in late September 2016 on Waterslide Records and released everywhere else on October 14th 2016 on Asian Man Records/Round Dog Records.

Recorded and produced by Matt Allison at Atlas Studios, Chicago. Additional tracking by Dan Tinkler and Justin Yates.

Album lineup:

Fraser Murderburger - vocals and guitar
Zack Gontard - guitar and vocals
Intruder Yellow - bass and vocals
Intruder Red - drums
Adam Fletcher - additional vocals

credits

released October 14, 2016

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Now That You're Not At #21
Another night of fight or flight mode
Led me to the waterfront in Glasgow
Sympathetic police found me there in tears
And confiscated all my beers
I apologised and got the next train home
Where I filled up both sides of the paper
Folded it up, kept it for later
I meant every word that you never read
That got ripped up, thrown away instead
Hit reset and accepted that we're done
And now that you're not at #21

I'm not looking up for light
Or trying to track you down so I can say
"Girl, can you tell I've been running again?"
And nowadays I can think of better things to say
Than "girl, can you tell I've been running again?"
I'm out of breath, out of time, out of everything

Winter has long since been put to rest
And I can't fault spring for trying its best
To make sure that it doesn't hurt to stare at the sun
And to breathe colour into lifeless lungs
And teach me not to be afraid to smile
And to realise that everything is potentially worthwhile.
Track Name: 8am Headlights
You spent a couple weeks drying out
In an effort to stop feeling like you were drowning
Thumb and forefinger pressed in your eyes
Grinding your teeth until they crack
And banging your head against the wall
Trying to ignore the fact you've started smoking again
When you can't understand why she hasn't

Where the fuck was I when all of this fell apart?
Where was I when it all cracked and splintered?
When did the 5am sunrise turn into 8am headlights?
When was summer strangled by winter?
Well I just can't work it out
All know for sure is that things aren't the same
And since we've both sewn our eyes shut we can't see who's to blame

All we ever seem to do these days is argue over who feels worse
I know I shouldn't argue, because I know you do

I'm trying not to think about the sand in my lungs, gravel under my skin
As I'm resting forever uneasy
But as I undo the stitches and see signs of life
I'm thinking that hope's not lost completely

Still all we ever seem to do these days is argue over who feels worse
I know I shouldn't argue, because I know you do.
Track Name: I Used To Hate That Life
I have flashbacks every single time I close my eyes
I don't think I want to close them anymore
I can think of a sure-fire way to stop them, but I don't have the guts
I hope I'll never ever have the guts
I don't want to live a life of "I've been worse before'”s anymore
I'm losing days left, right and centre
I just want a pair of eyes to get lost in
And then a rectangular box to rest in
And a room with a view at the hospital somewhere in between

But the past is still haunting my dreams -

I remember thinking everything would be fine
Then next thing I knew I was coughing up my stomach lining
In a homeless unit at the top of high rise flats
I was too embarrassed to let Holly come see me
I remember my dad telling me I looked like a junkie
To be fair to him back then he wasn't too far off

On a regular basis I seem to find that things I thought I'd left behind
Still stop me from getting out of bed in the morning
And keep me lying here until the sunlight disappears
Then all that's left for me to do is start counting
Every single spring that digs into my spine and ribs
Until I give up because I'm too exhausted
Then turn the TV on, set the volume to 6 then turn and face the wall
And pretend that none of this bothers me at all

I have flashbacks every time I look into your eyes
So I don't think I'm going to do that anymore.
Track Name: My Bones Are Full Of Holes
Another year of thinking that the air is too thick to breathe,
I'm pretty sure my bones are full of holes and I'm inclined to believe
that I've got it down to a fine art
when it comes to feeling like shit for the most part
and that I’ve got myself to blame for the unnecessary strain that’s putting pressure on my heart
When I got your letter I didn’t know quite what to say,
I’m sorry that you ever felt so low, but I’m glad that you’re okay
You should be proud that you made it out alive,
Especially after feeling so dead inside
And I thank you for showing me that I have less reasons to hide

Because the more alone I feel the more I realise that I'm not
With every friend I'm sure I've lost the more I realise I've still got
And although I still shut down sometimes and head for the westbound train
Whilst trying not to think about social workers and house fires again
I’ve now got those photos of Christine
and can try to remember something good
and continue trying to fix these holes
I’m still trying my best to fix these holes

I got off at Dalreoch station and walked down to the Leven's edge
and thought about how I'd rather live than just survive
Then I kicked a stone at a capsized boat
and for a moment I felt strangely alive.
Track Name: Opium Bombs All Round
My pockets are empty
My face is grazed and my hands are raw
I've got that shot in the stomach feeling
And I really hope nobody saw
What I've been doing for the past 4 hours
Or for the past 4 years
I don't know why I've been trying so hard
To be part of a place where I don't fit in
Whilst trying to ignore the constant reminder
That nothing is going to knock me out of my stride every single time

There's nothing more stressful to me
Than being told that I look stressed out
But I know that I'd be fucked without
That fear of failure and of shame
And that I've got it to thank
As much as I've got it to blame
For having enough band t-shirts to last me a lifetime
But no money to get through the week
And for having enough fond memories
To not think that the future's so bleak or so unkind
And with that in mind
I'll try not to lose sight or lose touch
or give up so easily this time.
Track Name: The Waves
Do you worry when you think about the things that you are?
I do too and I've just realised it hasn't got me very far
And that our dreams die with us in our hospital beds,
All our long term plans get cut short instead
The only long term things we have are loneliness and stress
Cursing sunny days and praying for rain sure is getting old,
And thinking that way never helped anyone, or at least that's what I'm told
But all I'm seeing is the ones that I love
Struggling to keep their heads above
The waves that would drown me every time,
If they weren't there to pull me out

For what it's worth none of this would be worth it
Without knowing that I'm not alone,
But as the sun breaks through the clouds
And shines through the rain drops on the window
Right into our eyes we don't feel a thing
Because we are too busy getting bogged down
In the minor details
Which makes it impossible to live in the moment
So we live every day like it's our last
By drinking ourselves to death and we can't get enough

"Dear Christ, to be born for this!"*

(* - quote from "In The Snack-Bar" by Scottish poet Edwin Morgan)
Track Name: Now That I'm Stuck At #27
Sitting in the kitchen at 4am with the light off
trying to remember what it's like to feel alive
Maybe if I go outside and attempt to retrace your steps around The Meadows
then I might trigger something that will take my mind off
all these sandstone buildings and grey skies
that do their best to keep me dead
but never quite lock my feet to the ground
Now all my halfhearted goodbyes keep replaying in my head
now that I'm barely ever around, and now that everyone is leaving

I stayed up until 5:20 and listened to the shipping forecast
to remind me of when I slept with a smile
but nowadays I barely sleep at all
I just lay awake with all these regrets
and let them burrow in and expand that hole in my chest
I never even knew that you had plans to go
I was too busy fighting myself to even know
so I guess this won't be the last time that I'm breaking down on the Peace Mile

Now all these sandstone buildings and grey skies
have got me by the throat
and there's no other way to go but down
and all my halfhearted goodbyes
they don't mean shit, they're all redundant
Now that no one's left around
My pulse is nowhere to be found
I've given up on colour and sound,
and buried my heart underground

I wonder if you'll ever come back
but when does anybody ever come back.
Track Name: December Ruined Everything
I haven't felt this low in a long time
I haven't seen sunlight for 5 days
and now the inside of my mouth is a mess
just like the inside of my head
I know I shouldn't have dropped by tonight
but I just didn't know who else I could talk to
and December never seems to listen
when I kindly ask for it to leave
All of this uncertainty and these unfinished bus rides
are breaking me like you wouldn't believe

So I just sit here grinding my teeth
and think about that beautiful smile that's stuck in my head, I know she doesn't exist
All she ever seems to want to do is talk to me at great length about our dead parents
so I get up, get out and start walking
and try to think of ways to make winter go
And as I slipped and fell on black ice, I felt no urgency to get back up
Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up
just like most mornings
Lay awake and think about the past
A stairwell full of dirty needles and broken glass
Nights spent on cold wooden floors scratching scabies
7 years on, fingers still crossed, hoping that maybe

Someday I'll sober up, and I won't be a joke
And I'll stop smoking half your cigarette before realising I don't smoke
And I'll stop giving in to vices when I feel like life's a lost cause
and I'll stop going to bed with a splitting headache then waking up with a sore jaw
And I'll appreciate the small amount of time that you decided to spend with me
instead of learning to hate you so that I can get this over with quickly
And I'll stop checking for bad news about planes flying out of Scotland
in case they've crashed into the ocean with my family members on them

But until that day, I know I'll always be
your pair of broken headphones on your loneliest ride home
And you'll always be that song about a fresh start
for which I can't seem to write the ending.
Track Name: A Month Of Nosebleeds
4 weeks of epistaxis,
the perfect combination of anxiety and dry air
or maybe something worse?
Either way I'll just ignore it like I did 3 years ago.
I watched the rain for 2 hours this morning,
Watched the sky turn from black to dark grey just like I used to
while you were fast asleep
For 2 weeks you woke up in tears and said you couldn’t work out why,
and for some reason it’s bothering me more and more as the years go by
I know that I’m to blame, but I swear I didn’t mean to make you cry
and I know that it was all just such an uphill struggle, until you turned and walked the other way
(and I don’t blame you)

When I got to the top of those stairs
and opened up my eyes I thought that
I could deal with anyone, and I could deal with anything
But after a confused version of the best intentions I just made you feel like shit
And I know that it’s my fault and I’ll have to live with it.

Now every now and then I hear the phone ring, but I seldom answer
What would the point be? Only to burden friends and family
with how I’m struggling, and how I’m lonely
And every now and then my ears stop ringing
and I can’t stand the silence
So I turn on the radio and stare out the window
and I try my best to remember the last time I saw leaves on those trees

I've given up on stopping all these nosebleeds
Just let the blood run and hope that I become so light headed that I pass out.
Track Name: She'll Be Filed Away
On the bus on her way home
Her heart beats like a metronome
It doesn't speed up or slow down
But it gets weaker with each pound
And mine beats much in the same way
When I've been sleepwalking all day
After spending the night tossing and turning with the light still on
She said she's never felt so low
And can't go on just getting paid
For taking shit from wannabe teachers
That just couldn't get the grades
And carving out an existence
Instead of a living don't make sense
And I can that look in her eyes
She wants to sever ties and walk the other way
Because she knows that if she stays

That she'll be filed away
Just like the rest of us
We're all paperwork in folders that don't like to make a fuss
And confuse never taking risks at all
As being completely comfortable
And don't mind sacrificing all our dreams
For so much less than we ever thought that we would
And dwell on corrections we'd make if only we could
And then take out loans to pay for our own headstones
When we could use the time we spend focusing on the end
To fix the part that's in between

But I know tomorrow is fucking useless when you can't get through today
It's hard to get your point across when you've ran out of things to say
And in the off chance you think of something
The words just don't come out
And I know last year was dire and this year might be the same
But remember you're not just a number, you're not just a name
You're not disposable, and above all you know
It shouldn't feel this right to be broke and alone
And you know that someday soon we'll find a place to call home
And even though she looks like she's in despair every day
She doesn't have to be filed away, and nor do we.
Track Name: Lung Capacity
No seats left at the back of the bus,
“I really don't think I can do this”
Left fist clenched and right hand around my throat
Severe lack of trust in the person behind me
Held out until I got to Grassmarket
Whispered “thank you”, stepped off and exhaled
then walked home as fast as I could whilst trying to ignore the wind
and hail

I should have listened to my own advice
Or better yet not ignored all of yours
Like when you said not to light the candle at both ends
or else I'd soon have nothing left to burn
and that it didn't matter which way I turned
because the wind would cut through anyway

Then in came the shin splints and that sandstorm
inside my lungs that slows me down every time
Coughing up dust, I sat alone on the pavement
and I prayed that any moment I'd see the sun
breaking through all of those dark clouds
overhead that never seem to ever slow down
but I just sat in the dark until there was nothing left to cough up.
Track Name: My Staple Diet Of Rice, Vitamins, Alcohol & Painkillers
I’ve been dreaming about unlocked doors
I try to stop the handle every time it moves
It’s always me that’s on the other side
and I’m never doing so well

I’ve been waking up in panic every two hours
Then getting up to turn the extractor fan on
It’s the only thing that I can do to stop replaying all the shit you said
That sounded way too familiar

You said that life stopped being fun last year,
and now you’re not convinced that it ever was
You said you’ve lost interest in everything
And that you just can’t pinpoint the cause
I said trust me, I can sympathize
I keep shutting down and I don’t know why
And every time I step out the front door
It seems like it’s always dark outside
It’s always dark outside

I just need 19 pence for Paracetamol and a pound for soluble vitamins
So that I can convince myself I’m alright
You just need as little sleep as I’ve had over the past few weeks to realise that

There's gotta be something more
Than waking up freezing cold
And only thawing out
To go stand in the snow
Trying to ignore
That same sense of dread
Whilst letting smiles from strangers
Cut you to shreds
Then spending nights at home waiting for your family to die
Telling yourself you're sick
Until it’s no longer a lie
Trying not to think about nooses
Trying not to think about chairs
Trying to find time in between
To remind yourself that there’s still a world outside
Even though it's pitch black
And someday winter might end
Someday summer might come back
And even though we're cursed, for better or worse
Someday this will all be over.