1. |
The Day Everything Died
02:47
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Today we woke up
to a different kind of day than we were hoping for
Everything was sharp yet dull
I slipped onto autopilot
God finally showed up and spoke through a crack in the sky
And said “I know you're wondering when this will all be done…don't worry, there’s an illness for everyone.”
Then I smiled as all of the clouds came to a halt
And accepted all of this was no one’s fault
On the day everything died
It all went quiet and warm and then
I felt like I was seventeen again
On the day everything died
Thinking back maybe I wasn’t joking
When I asked you to smash my skull open
Maybe there was something in there that I couldn’t find
Because when I looked forward all I could see was black
But I could hear you screaming as your skin cracked
Maybe there was some advantage to going blind
Then you said “What’s the point in harbouring hope
When there’s freedom at the end of a rope?”
At first I couldn’t answer
Then you were gone by the time I spoke
I wish I didn’t have to keep those words inside
But in my mind we were side by side
On the day everything died.
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2. |
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Sitting in the kitchen at 4am with the light off
trying to remember what it's like to feel alive
Maybe if I go outside and attempt to retrace your steps around The Meadows
then I might trigger something that will take my mind off
all these sandstone buildings and grey skies
that do their best to keep me dead
but never quite lock my feet to the ground
Now all my halfhearted goodbyes keep replaying in my head
now that I'm barely ever around, and now that everyone is leaving
I stayed up until 5:20 and listened to the shipping forecast
to remind me of when I slept with a smile
but nowadays I barely sleep at all
I just lay awake with all these regrets
and let them burrow in and expand that hole in my chest
I never even knew that you had plans to go
I was too busy fighting myself to even know
so I guess this won't be the last time that I'm breaking down on the Peace Mile
Now all these sandstone buildings and grey skies
have got me by the throat
and there's no other way to go but down
and all my half-hearted goodbyes
they don't mean shit, they're all redundant
Now that no one's left around
My pulse is nowhere to be found
I've given up on colour and sound,
and buried my heart underground
I wonder if you'll ever come back
but when does anybody ever come back.
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3. |
Christine, I Forgive You
03:29
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I’m pretty drunk right now but I can hold a pen
and scribble frustrations from way back when
you were so near yet so far from being around
self destructing somewhere until it put you in the ground
but unanswered questions and grudges will be the death of me
I’m through with winding myself so tight I can hardly breath
and I can’t get what I want from whiskey and therapy
so here’s to sobriety followed by clarity
It’s time to tell you what has been destroying me
I hate you for the nights I spent standing out in the rain
hoping I’d see your car come over the hill again
but deep down I knew that wouldn’t come true
I guess I never thought I’d expect so little from you
I didn’t want to forget your name, but I tried to all the same
but it didn’t go to plan, so I want you to understand
that I don’t blame you for losing touch or blame you for breaking down
I’ve had days when I block out the sun and don’t want anyone around
and block out doubt by getting drunk and passing out
and struggle to find anything positive to think about
so I’ll place no blame and avoid disdain
and rather than forget you, there’s one other thing I can do so…
Christine, I forgive you
and now I move on.
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4. |
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5. |
8am Headlights
02:05
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You spent a couple weeks drying out
In an effort to stop feeling like you were drowning
Thumb and forefinger pressed in your eyes
Grinding your teeth until they crack
And banging your head against the wall
Trying to ignore the fact you've started smoking again
When you can't understand why she hasn't
Where the fuck was I when all of this fell apart?
Where was I when it all cracked and splintered?
When did the 5am sunrise turn into 8am headlights?
When was summer strangled by winter?
Well I just can't work it out
All know for sure is that things aren't the same
And since we've both sewn our eyes shut we can't see who's to blame
All we ever seem to do these days is argue over who feels worse
I know I shouldn't argue, because I know you do
I'm trying not to think about the sand in my lungs, gravel under my skin
As I'm resting forever uneasy
But as I undo the stitches and see signs of life
I'm thinking that hope's not lost completely
Still all we ever seem to do these days is argue over who feels worse
I know I shouldn't argue, because I know you do.
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6. |
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I never thought at the age of 25
that I'd be in a doctor's office because I didn't want to be alive
He tells me that I'm brave but I know I'm just a coward
and I'm losing at the war inside my head
Hello, misery
I heard that you like company
and I've got nothing else to do
so why don't we hang out.
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7. |
Another Way Out Of Here
01:49
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I’m an ugly piece of shit with a fucked up face
and broken teeth and no place to go most of the time
and the older I get the less I care
about the fact my whole life’s been a steady decline
And I drank myself stupid to make my mouth smart
and successfully ruined all the time that we spent
then by the time I woke up you were gone, I never got the chance to tell
you I think you’re heaven sent
So you want nothing to do with me, understandably
You want nothing to do with me, but I think I’d rather be living in discontent than waste 52 more weeks wondering where all my time went
and although these pockets have been empty for so long
and although I keep on writing songs in the key of me dying inside
I don’t feel like I’m running away, I don’t feel like I’m running away anymore
I don’t feel like I’m losing a day every time that I walk out the door
onto freezing cold streets, crushing leaves under my soaking wet shoes full of holes
and although it’s not really going to plan, I hope you understand
that I’m just trying to find a way out that doesn’t involve tying a noose and kicking a chair.
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8. |
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I haven't felt this low in a long time
I haven't seen sunlight for 5 days
and now the inside of my mouth is a mess
just like the inside of my head
I know I shouldn't have dropped by tonight
but I just didn't know who else I could talk to
and December never seems to listen
when I kindly ask for it to leave
All of this uncertainty and these unfinished bus rides
are breaking me like you wouldn't believe
So I just sit here grinding my teeth
and think about that beautiful smile that's stuck in my head, I know she doesn't exist
All she ever seems to want to do is talk to me at great length about our dead parents
so I get up, get out and start walking
and try to think of ways to make winter go
And as I slipped and fell on black ice, I felt no urgency to get back up
Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up
just like most mornings
Lay awake and think about the past
A stairwell full of dirty needles and broken glass
Nights spent on cold wooden floors scratching scabies
7 years on, fingers still crossed, hoping that maybe
Someday I'll sober up, and I won't be a joke
And I'll stop smoking half your cigarette before realising I don't smoke
And I'll stop giving in to vices when I feel like life's a lost cause
and I'll stop going to bed with a splitting headache then waking up with a sore jaw
And I'll appreciate the small amount of time that you decided to spend with me
instead of learning to hate you so that I can get this over with quickly
And I'll stop checking for bad news about planes flying out of Scotland
in case they've crashed into the ocean with my family members on them
But until that day, I know I'll always be
your pair of broken headphones on your loneliest ride home
And you'll always be that song about a fresh start
for which I can't seem to write the ending.
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9. |
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10. |
My Head Is Fucked Again
02:04
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I missed the train, so now I'm on the bus
so if I'm late meeting you please don't make a fuss
Another girl takes off, I bet I can tell why
because I was either too drunk or too high
I'm losing touch again, and over-analyzing everything too much again
and often catching myself staring into space again
wiping the smile off my own face
I'd rather live to die than just wait to, but sometimes I find it's hard to take the pace
My head is fucked again and it feels like there is nothing I can do
My head is fucked again so I guess I'll just have to continue to
Tell everybody I feel alright even though I want to die
because I keep letting things out with my control get the best of me and
the odds are stacking high
and if you need an example why
I still remember at the age of 8, standing in tears at my dad's front gate
every Thursday and every second Friday when my mum didn't show up
I try to push it from the front to the back of my mind
but every time I'm drunk I always seem to find it's all that I can think about
Nothing I can do about that now, but still somehow
I always seem to let it get me down.
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11. |
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I took your call round the back of Deadbeat Studios
I promised you and myself that I'd keep in touch
But even with my track record of being a piece of shit
I never thought that I would slip this much
I hope one day you'll spend less time in hospitals
And that I'll answer every time you write
Instead of shutting off from it all
And letting my brain self-destruct each night
I keep telling myself that I've changed then regroup for a month or two
And then break my promise just like my mother used to do
And sometimes I try to kid myself by staying up all night
In a half-arsed attempt to feel like I'm alive
Sometimes I swear I feel like it's working
And it reminds of back when I didn't feel like I was dying
That was back when we didn't have to sleep, but now every time I try to rest
I have that same nightmare about a home invasion
And I wake up and that screwdriver's right back there in my chest
Then it's back to being bound by cold sweat to bed sheets
With that numbness in my arm
And trying to think of some more bullshit ways
To say I didn't mean to cause you harm.
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The Murderburgers UK
Pop punk band from Scotland on Asian Man Records/Brassneck Records/Umlaut Records/Waterslide Records. Also on indefinite hiatus since Dec 1st 2019.
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